4:00

It seems like a disproportionate number of songs I've heard on the radio lately are about cannibalism.

3:13

My father drives what I have to assume is the only Prius with an NRA sticker on the bumper.  Make of this what you will.

5:58

I've never been a fan of show tunes or musical theatre, but, oh man, I can't help but enthusiastically clean something when I hear Julie Andrews.

1:46

I might be the least patient person I know.  I don't even like waiting for bad things to happen.  It has nothing to do with wanting to get them over with, either; it's that I would rather have whatever bad feelings are coming my way than the anxiety that precedes them.

1:58

I stopped at a small diner on the drive back from Connecticut yesterday, and I saw two things I have never seen before.  The first was a Vietnamese man working in a diner.  The second was someone pouring an eighth of a bottle of chocolate syrup into a pot of coffee before drinking the entire pot.  It was that same Vietnamese man.  I've never been, but now I assume Vietnam must be a fun place.

9:47

I've been a ball of nerves lately.  I don't know why, but I think it would really help if people would start hanging their Christmas lights already.

1:22

Generally speaking, endeavors to locate anything in my bedroom end fruitlessly.  Tonight, I went hunting for a pale beige nail polish so my nails wouldn't look so dreadful for my interview on Friday, but I got distracted and read a quarter of a 1960s grammar book before I remembered I had walked through the door with a goal.  I never found the nail polish I was seeking and have since resigned myself to the idea of buying a new one tomorrow.  I did, however, find the previously missing top to one of my swimsuits, half a pack of cloves I must have lost when I was still in high school and a small water gun from approximately the same era.  Typical.

4:11

Mid-November is the best time of year for one to discern whether one has awesome neighbors.  How, you ask?  They're the ones who, out of strange attachment to and anthropomorphism of the faces of their own creation, have yet to remove the rotting pumpkins from their steps.

2:36

At four this morning, I woke up in a cold sweat from a dream that I stumbled across all the body parts of Allen Cummings in a field and began sewing him together as he taunted me about my messy stitching.  It was then that I decided today would be the day I would begin picking my clothes off my floor and hanging them so that none of my sweaters ever come apart at the seams.

6:59

It's official: I've once again fallen into the habit of Google-searching photos of French bulldogs instead of eating, looking for a job, looking for a car or sleeping.

3:09

As I was crawling into bed last night, I spotted something small and green on my ankle out of the corner of my eye and immediately assumed (for no discernible reason) that I had begun to mold.  It was a Chiquita banana sticker.  Since then, I have been trying to think of a way to work that story into a social situation this weekend, as it was the most exciting split-second of my week.

1:37

I wake up way too frequently looking like I got henna on my face after a night of pressing against the wrinkled and folded sheets.  It's not a good look.

4:39

Guilty Pleasure #13: Listening to really dirty music in the car on the way to interview for jobs at snooty, uptight Connecticut hedge funds.  I just discovered how happy this makes me, but I feel that in no way invalidates it as a guilty pleasure.

2:20

Though I recognize it as somewhat egotistical, I often wonder which weird bits of information would be asked about me at bar trivia nights if I ever became famous.  Because I am a worrywart, I am probably overly concerned that people will believe things about me that are not true.  In order to avoid the circulation of bizarre or unflattering fallacies, I have compiled this list of factoids:

• My first CD was an Elvis Presley compilation
• I was a fencing and historical swords instructor during high school
• I have only had two pairs of glasses since I started needing glasses thirteen years ago
• I am always cold to the touch
• I want to learn German
• I am the oldest cousin on both sides of my family
• I am still learning Left from Right because they were not introduced to me as concepts until seventh grade
• My favorite animals are jellyfish and giraffes
• I was born with a hole in my heart
• I don't drink soda or beer
• I have never been outside of the continental United States
• Four members of my family have appeared on Maury Povich
• I was once stung by 47 hornets at the same time
• My first pets were two cats, Harley and Lola
• Despite never living there, I have spent an ungodly amount of time in Ohio
• I have the most common birthday worldwide
• I once unwittingly sat between Sigfried and Roy on an airplane
• I never made it to the Girl Scouts because I got kicked out of the Brownies
• The first movie I saw in theaters was Aladdin
• I spent time with a traveling freak show when I was six
• I can't take my pulse without passing out
• I involuntarily took Irish Step Dancing classes for five years
• My earliest memory is eating a popsicle and a piece of cheese at the same time
• I have bitten my fingernails since I was four
• I have never broken a bone or had stitches
• My first crush was The Boy With The Purple Socks from Harriet the Spy
• I got my driver's license at age 22 and have never owned a car

4:55

When I imagine how my life could have been different if I had made different choices, all the conceivable alternate Lizzes seem markedly unrealistic.